we are creatures of expression. how lucky are we to live in this time where our forefathers made possible a world of art and dance, music and poetry, theatre and the printed page. all of these things avenues to realizing our thoughts, musings and ideas, and then communicating them. for me, it always begins with words.
they come to me. words. they come to me when i least expect it. it happens while watching a film, or riding a bus. they sneak in when i'm supposed to be listening to someone talking, or paying attention to what i'm reading. they line up perfectly whenever i don't have a pen nearby.
and it's frustrating. to have a passion that you do not have control over, and instead has control over you.
i cannot be alone in this feeling.
writing isn't easy. but not writing is even harder. i mean, how long can a person realistically go before needing to write something down?
.................................. not long.
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Saturday, October 3, 2009
A few of my favorite things
It's bumping into a friend on the street. It's waiting for the temperature of a hot drink to come down on a cold day. It's the way the sun reflects off your neighbor's window and shines across the way.
It's the days past, it's the fading memories, it's the reasons that you are who you are even though it's hard to recollect them sometimes.
It's the way things change without your noticing. It's the way hair grows longer and days grow shorter. It's the way that four different seasons flow into a year. It's the way that you grow wiser.
It's the way you felt yesterday and the way you feel today. It's the wishes you make and and the promises you break. It's the way sadness gets in the way of happiness, and not the other way around.
It's the way that life constantly proves to you that things can get much worse, but can also get much better. It's the constant reminder that you are alive and well and still not quite at where you want to be. It's the reason we do our best.
It's the days past, it's the fading memories, it's the reasons that you are who you are even though it's hard to recollect them sometimes.
It's the way things change without your noticing. It's the way hair grows longer and days grow shorter. It's the way that four different seasons flow into a year. It's the way that you grow wiser.
It's the way you felt yesterday and the way you feel today. It's the wishes you make and and the promises you break. It's the way sadness gets in the way of happiness, and not the other way around.
It's the way that life constantly proves to you that things can get much worse, but can also get much better. It's the constant reminder that you are alive and well and still not quite at where you want to be. It's the reason we do our best.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Starting from scratch
everything is being pushed to its limits.
and the environment is seemingly limitless these days.
how far can we realistically push,
before we find ourselves back at square one?
having come full circle, where has one to go from here?
how do you do something new?
and the environment is seemingly limitless these days.
how far can we realistically push,
before we find ourselves back at square one?
having come full circle, where has one to go from here?
how do you do something new?
Monday, August 31, 2009
1999 - 2009 / A Retrospective
I don't know the days of innocence.
I don't remember when I didn't know, when I was first discovering, when the world changed. It was always already changed.
Sex, drugs, my rebel ways, always a part of who I was, always a part of the romance of my life, always my calling, my poison, my cure.
And now I've gone cold turkey. I'm returning to the days that were supposed to be mine.
No more fighting. I want peace.
No more binging. I want stability.
No more selfishness. I have others to think of.
No regrets either though.
I still teeter on this seesaw, wondering who I am, where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it.. and then I remember that I'm the only person who can answer these questions. Which means that I can be whoever I want to be, go wherever I choose to go, do whatever I want to do, and do it however I so feel.
Ignorance is bliss? Whatever. It is stupidity. Knowledge is bliss, innocence is divine, and life is a crazy roller coaster just waiting for you to take its ride...
I don't remember when I didn't know, when I was first discovering, when the world changed. It was always already changed.
Sex, drugs, my rebel ways, always a part of who I was, always a part of the romance of my life, always my calling, my poison, my cure.
And now I've gone cold turkey. I'm returning to the days that were supposed to be mine.
No more fighting. I want peace.
No more binging. I want stability.
No more selfishness. I have others to think of.
No regrets either though.
I still teeter on this seesaw, wondering who I am, where I'm supposed to go, what I'm supposed to do, how I'm supposed to do it.. and then I remember that I'm the only person who can answer these questions. Which means that I can be whoever I want to be, go wherever I choose to go, do whatever I want to do, and do it however I so feel.
Ignorance is bliss? Whatever. It is stupidity. Knowledge is bliss, innocence is divine, and life is a crazy roller coaster just waiting for you to take its ride...
Saturday, August 29, 2009
I can't do what they do (but I can publish my 100th post)
It's job hunting season... I did this to myself. I had a job, and then I quit it two days later. I've brought this upon myself, like most things in this life....
The job boards are filled with positions for people vastly more qualified than me, for peope with skills I do not possess, for people who's interests are not the same as mine. Where's the job for me?
I am afraid that I know the answer to this question; I've known it all along. I'll never find my job out there because it's not a job that anyone can give me; it's a job I have to create myself.
Shit.
My happiness and success depends on motivating my lazy ass to get up and start making something happen.
Life never was as easy thing, but f*cking hell it's just become a hell of a lot harder...
The job boards are filled with positions for people vastly more qualified than me, for peope with skills I do not possess, for people who's interests are not the same as mine. Where's the job for me?
I am afraid that I know the answer to this question; I've known it all along. I'll never find my job out there because it's not a job that anyone can give me; it's a job I have to create myself.
Shit.
My happiness and success depends on motivating my lazy ass to get up and start making something happen.
Life never was as easy thing, but f*cking hell it's just become a hell of a lot harder...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
It's been a year now...
One year. Three hundred and sixty five days. About 8765 hours, depending on who you ask.
This blog was intended to facilitate the writing of a book. One year later, I'm no closer now than I was then. But how the world around me has otherwise moved on.
America inaugurated a black president. The economy crashed. The swine flu continues to spread. And I am now a married woman.
All these things happen around me, yet daily life hasn't really changed much. Babies still cry on airplanes, people still drunkenly sing their way home down my street on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday nights, and restaurants all over are still looking for serveuses. Movies are still being made, music is still influencing the youth, and drinking a coffee in a cafe seems to never go out of style. Organic is still more expensive than edible crap, the polar ice caps are still melting at record speeds, and Sarkozy is still painfully shorter than his amazonian wife. In fact, the only real tangible difference I can see these days is this ring I wear on my finger.
Funny how that little difference is what is going to make all of the difference.
I don't want my daily life to change, unless it is I who changes it. Perhaps that is why I sit content with my blog for now; for fear that taking that next big step into bookdom might spin my life into a direction I do not know the footing for. But did I not just marry? Did I not just do something new and scary and embark into a world I've never been in before? If I can do that with a man, why can I not find that same courage and do that with myself? For myself?
One year ago I would have never guessed that the world would change as it has, but it did regardless. I'm beginning to believe that anything is truly possible. Perhaps in one year, three hundred and sixty five days, about 8765 hours, depending on who you ask, I'll have written a book, the kind of book I have always dreamt of writing.
God knows, I'm a married woman now. Anything, anything is possible....
This blog was intended to facilitate the writing of a book. One year later, I'm no closer now than I was then. But how the world around me has otherwise moved on.
America inaugurated a black president. The economy crashed. The swine flu continues to spread. And I am now a married woman.
All these things happen around me, yet daily life hasn't really changed much. Babies still cry on airplanes, people still drunkenly sing their way home down my street on Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Tuesday nights, and restaurants all over are still looking for serveuses. Movies are still being made, music is still influencing the youth, and drinking a coffee in a cafe seems to never go out of style. Organic is still more expensive than edible crap, the polar ice caps are still melting at record speeds, and Sarkozy is still painfully shorter than his amazonian wife. In fact, the only real tangible difference I can see these days is this ring I wear on my finger.
Funny how that little difference is what is going to make all of the difference.
I don't want my daily life to change, unless it is I who changes it. Perhaps that is why I sit content with my blog for now; for fear that taking that next big step into bookdom might spin my life into a direction I do not know the footing for. But did I not just marry? Did I not just do something new and scary and embark into a world I've never been in before? If I can do that with a man, why can I not find that same courage and do that with myself? For myself?
One year ago I would have never guessed that the world would change as it has, but it did regardless. I'm beginning to believe that anything is truly possible. Perhaps in one year, three hundred and sixty five days, about 8765 hours, depending on who you ask, I'll have written a book, the kind of book I have always dreamt of writing.
God knows, I'm a married woman now. Anything, anything is possible....
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The Truth Behind These Words
I have made many mistakes in my life. I have taken many risks. I have taken steps when the path wasn't necessarily clear, and I have gotten into cars with strangers. And I feel that life has only rewarded me for it.
Every mistake has become a lesson learned. Every risk proved my fear inutile. Paths have laid themselves out for me, and is it not strangers who eventually become our friends?
I write this blog to share my experiences and my thoughts. I try to keep it short because we're all busy people, with busy lives and busy friends. Hell, I'm even a bit busy from time to time. But regardless of the time that does inherently slip by, this blog is my way of reminding myself that life's not for nothing.
Life's moments and experiences, good and bad, are worth sharing. Amazing the number of people on this earth, and each of their individual stories... mine is but one. And just like every other one, it is unique, and so I choose to pop in from time to time, and put in my two cents.
These past two months since I last posted have been filled with joy and discovery; I have met my future husband, a wonderful man with whom I cannot wait to spend the rest of my days, and am due to marry in exactly one month.
The name will change but the person will not. Life is what it is, and I will always want to tell about it. So I extend my gratitude to those of you who have been following along with me this past year; your company is well appreciated.
I will make an effort to post again on a bit more of a regular basis; even once a week is better than every two months... so until I post again, enjoy the summer -rainy, hot or dry as it may be- and don't forget to embrace life once a day. Does a body good.
;)
Every mistake has become a lesson learned. Every risk proved my fear inutile. Paths have laid themselves out for me, and is it not strangers who eventually become our friends?
I write this blog to share my experiences and my thoughts. I try to keep it short because we're all busy people, with busy lives and busy friends. Hell, I'm even a bit busy from time to time. But regardless of the time that does inherently slip by, this blog is my way of reminding myself that life's not for nothing.
Life's moments and experiences, good and bad, are worth sharing. Amazing the number of people on this earth, and each of their individual stories... mine is but one. And just like every other one, it is unique, and so I choose to pop in from time to time, and put in my two cents.
These past two months since I last posted have been filled with joy and discovery; I have met my future husband, a wonderful man with whom I cannot wait to spend the rest of my days, and am due to marry in exactly one month.
The name will change but the person will not. Life is what it is, and I will always want to tell about it. So I extend my gratitude to those of you who have been following along with me this past year; your company is well appreciated.
I will make an effort to post again on a bit more of a regular basis; even once a week is better than every two months... so until I post again, enjoy the summer -rainy, hot or dry as it may be- and don't forget to embrace life once a day. Does a body good.
;)
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